Is it the End?

Here we are at the end of 2009. All year I have spent working towards the next thing, if I can just get through my trip to Vegas; son's birthday; Thanksgiving; Christmas. And here I am at the end. I accomplished all those things. I have completed, organized, and put away. People are always telling you to live in the moment not in the future but I seem to be incapable. So here I am finished with 2009. But there's always more isn't there? I feel like working towards completion is the only thing that keeps me going. I'm like a shark if I stop moving I fear I might die. I hope that for this new year I might take some time and enjoy my life. I have a good one, two healthy sweet wonderful boys who are my world, a good husband, a nice house, economic security, the ability to explore any options I want to. Part of me loves the feeling of organization and completion but I feel like I need to stop trying so hard. I want 2010 to be the beginning of me feeling comfortable in my skin. I want to appreciate myself and my life. This might actually be harder than completing something....

Keep it to yourself!

I called my sister this morning, I was in a pretty good mood since I hung pictures in my recently completed bathroom. Our conversation took a turn and I'm not sure why. She does this thing where she disagrees with me just to disagree. She once did this about a collection agency person who had a wrong phone number and was a complete bitch to me. As I vented about how annoying this person was she said to me, "Well at least she's not on welfare." WTF is that! All I needed from her was a, "Oh that sucks!" And that's what I got. She once had a period of time where a friend of hers was driving her crazy. She was so annoyed by this person that she started to avoid them. Once day this friend called her on it and asked what was wrong. She then calls me to tell me how "crazy" this friend was for thinking she was mad. I made the mistake of pointing out that she actually was mad and she never let me forget it. I have be supportive of everytime she is upset or angry and in turn I get this nastiness. I have a feeling she was in a bad mood about something else and took it out on me but it's annoying when people spread their bad mood. People should have the wherewithall to know when their in a bad mood and either own up to it or not answer the phone.

A Day of Accomplishment

I am having a good day! I know, what a surprise. I love when I get things done and today was one of those days. This morning I took down my Christmas tree and put it and the other decorations away in the attic for next year. Then I nagged my husband until he finally installed the sink in our downstairs bathroom. Our downstairs bath remodel is finally done! He tore it up on Thanksgiving weekend and now on the weekend after Christmas it is finally completed. We had it tiled, bead board put up, painted it, and installed a new sink as well as fixtures. This has been a big test of my patience and learning to live with things half done. I once had a boss who told me I was a "doer" and I agree. Sometimes I do without completely thinking it through but I certainly get it done! I can't wait for 2010. I feel like 2009 is winding up nicely for me and I hope the good luck continues.

It's Over!!!!!!!!

My mother, step father, and brother left about a half an hour ago and I am SO happy! It means this holiday is finally over. Don't get me wrong I love Christmas but this year it just came at a bad time with too much crap going on right before it. I am patiently (or not so patiently) waiting until tomorrow so I can take the tree down and get this holiday OVER. I have been down for the past few weeks. I kinda excited, the cleaning lady is coming on Monday so after she's here I can move on to the next thing. There is something exciting when you start anew. And that's exactly what I'll be doing in 2010 starting anew.

The Craze Before the Storm

We are getting the storm which is inching up the east coast tonight. I had not really done much of my Christmas shopping for the relatives before today. I felt as though I HAD to go out because I feared something might happen which would make it impossible next week and I'd be really screwed. I went to BJ's first and had to fight the crowds to buy a Snuggie for my father in law because every old man NEEDS a Snuggie! This is probably a clue to the fact that when things start to wind down at the holidays I get desperate to buy ANYTHING to finish my list. So out I ventured while people drove around in a manic state trying to buy milk, bread, and rock salt because the world might end if you don't have those things during a snow storm. I stood on a 15 person line at CVS to buy 4 small bags of candy for a gingerbread build at the library. I went to Target because everyone in our state was at Target so I obviously thought maybe I was missing something. After Target I realized that I was insane to be out among the crazy people. I decided against the Christmas party tonight and am instead sitting my ass on the couch with a nice glass of wine. I'm hoping the storm will be good enough so I can spend the day in my pj's without guilt. Let's hope this snow slows the crazy a bit.

Holiday Anger

I am in a bad mood, I actually think I didn't emphasize it enough. I am in a piss poor, angry, PMS-like, mood that could rock the world if I let it. It started slowly, a friend annoyed me with her political rant yesterday that didn't even have any substance. Then another friend basically told me she was going to copy the gifts I was getting my sons because God Knows her child has to outdo mine at all times. They both work and they have 1 kid. He's so fucking spoiled it makes me want to be mean to him myself. I have to sit back and realize their marriage is falling apart and she can't stand her husband so I shouldn't be too angry. My sister in laws have screwed me in gift giving to my in-laws. They bought a Keurig for them and told me to buy the coffee. This is after my husband and I paid for a cruise for my in-laws and told them it was from all of us even though his sisters didn't spend a dime. I have been so angry lately I've been thinking maybe I should see a shrink. I don't know where to place this anger and it's creating this constant feeling of unhappiness. I just want the holidays over, it should be a happy time of year and I can't even enjoy it. It's too much all the time.

The Perfect Storm

I am trying to not get overwhelmed right now. We are having a perfect storm of expenses. It is two weeks until Christmas and I have bought a total of one gift for our families, have bought two gifts for one of our sons, although the other son is pretty much done except for stocking stuffers, but we are also finishing our downstairs bathroom. So in addition to Christmas shopping I need to pay a tiler, carpenter, buy a toilet, buy some fixtures, paint, and assorted other things that come up. We also need a new washer and dryer (the noise they make is unbearable) but I'm not sure if we are going to do or not. Last week I needed to buy new tires for my minivan which cost $300 and I ordered oil which ran us over $400. UNCLE!!!! I am not sure how we are going to survive the holiday season and still have food on our table. I just want to get to January. If I can ride out this storm I'm hoping to make it to safe harbor in the New Year.

You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch!

My husband just went off to bed in a huff. Angry at me for purchasing a laptop for our 9 year old son. It's his number one gift. It's the one thing he has asked for repeatedly. I'm not planning on buying him a lot more but I wanted to get him the thing he wanted most. Not only that but it cost $300. My husband is pretty cheap. They always say a spender usually marries and saver. It wouldn't be so bad if my husband wasn't born in the depression. Now don't be thinking that I am married to an elderly man, it's not that. He just acts like he was. He is surprised that things don't cost a nickel. I am so tired of feeling like I am spending like a drunken sailor. I do not get my nails done, I do not shop for myself very often, I don't buy for the kids under the guise of spending. I went to BJ's this week and bought sponges, Imodium (because he keeps getting diarrhea) and snow pants which I am returning. My friends all feel I am really frugal but my husband thinks I spend like crazy! I feel like he is sucking the fun out of Christmas. I just want this stupid holiday over. I am tired of him ruining all the holidays.